![]() I’ve got my fairy lights on to avoid being left in the dark when I wake through the night. I’m usually in bed by 10pm, with my telly on low to drown out any outside noise that may trigger my anxiety. I have very low motivation, I don’t want to be swamped with washing pots, I don’t want to feel guilty for eating a meal, but thinking about how I haven’t eaten anything all day I tell myself ‘yes, you can eat something’, its not much, but something is better than nothing. Teenager with severe OCD has to tap 100 times or she fears her relatives will die Its teatime, I’ve no idea what to cook, but I said to myself earlier to make sure I have a decent meal. These thoughts have been at me all day, and I want a moment’s peace, I’m trying to distract my mind by carrying on with my knitting, I’ve been trying to knit a pair of chunky socks, recently I knitted Zac a scarf. These intrusive thoughts are beginning to be a problem I’m listening to them but trying not to obey them, although it’s especially difficult to ignore a constant nagging voice. Zac welcomes me back, its either that or he can smell the treats I picked up for him, I quickly scan all the rooms to make sure everything is still safe. I head home, taking a different route, as I don’t want to pass that workman again.Īfter I’ve locked the front door, I look through the peep hole to make sure I definitely haven’t been followed home, I can’t see anyone around. I’ve walked here feeling dreadful, paranoid and anxious for essentially no reason and these irrational thoughts and intense emotions, this high level of anxiety could have been avoided.īut I guess there is no point reflecting, whilst I’m here, I’ve picked up a few treats for Zac. This happens every now and again, I’m not sure why but knowing that this medication has actually been helping and now knowing its not there fills me with worry.įortunately I have an emergency supply for when things like these happen, its only enough for a couple of days, but I’ve been reassured that the medication will be there pretty soon. ![]() My medication isn’t there, but the manager reassures me that they are trying their best to sort it out, phoning up my doctors and trying not to worry me. The manager comes straight to the desk, so I know something isn’t quite right with my medications, and I’m right to assume, I usually get these feelings of uncertainty before anything has happened. My pharmacy is within quite a big supermarket so its always busy, but I really like the staff in there as they always ask how I am, they’re really friendly and helpful. By this time I’m crossing the pelican lights, as I’m pressing the button I’m counting to ten, the green man has already signalled but I must finish my counting. ![]() I’ve walked past a workman simply doing his job but as he looks as me, he immediately clocks his watch and this sets off even more anxiety that my movements are being monitored. ![]() It’s a sensory overload and I’m struggling to keep a calm outlook the world is overwhelmingly loud, cars going by, sirens going off, crossing lights alarming, people talking plus my thoughts and the fear of being followed and watched is all pretty intense. "How can me sitting in an odd number seat cause a terrorist attack?": OCD sufferers reveal illogical fears and elaborate rituals that haunt their lives I go around every room turning all the electrical switches off, making sure the straighteners are unplugged, the thermostat is set to an even number, Zac the cat is inside, the backdoor is locked, the oven is turned off at the wall and all the windows are closed and locked, I’ve done my checks, everything is safe. I lack confidence in how I look, I’m afraid of putting too much weight on, so I do what I can to eat healthy, exercise, often skipping meals.īefore leaving to collect my medication I need to do my checks, the safety checks as I’ve been calling them. I feel better after doing exercise, if only for a few short moments, I used to go out jogging although I’m finding that especially difficult when I feel as though I’m being followed wherever I go. 'The Anxious Hug Monster', which is what I name my anxiety makes my whole body trembles, I struggle to catch my breath, my memory and concentration would fly out the window along with my ability to string a sentence together, my heart would pound like it’s about to jump out of my body and my chest would feel compressed and painfully tight. ![]() Albumistanumerophobia is the fear of lists of numbers and lists of number phobias.I’m on this medication for my overwhelmingly intense anxiety, which makes me have very severe anxiety attacks which I struggle to get under control and calm down from. ![]()
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